I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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