you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
