I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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