We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
