Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize