filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
