i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
