I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
