you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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