Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
