and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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