can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize