Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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