I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
