He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Boobs speak an international language.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
