as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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