Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
