matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
