im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize