Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Boobs speak an international language.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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