I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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