Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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