oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
