I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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