Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
