definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
