it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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