Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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