i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
