we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
