does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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