I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
