Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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