shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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