he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
