This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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