You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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