If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
