Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
