I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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