so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
