Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
