hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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