Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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