she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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