u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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