Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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