My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
