What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
