i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
