honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
