i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were trust falling into bushes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
