I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize