I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They have beer where we have blood.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
