I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
