textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
