The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
