I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
