I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
