I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
