I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize