would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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