in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
