Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
