Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you had me at cake vodka
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
