I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
