This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i think i just lost a toe
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
