last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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