remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
