Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
