i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Semen is not good for contacts.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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