Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
