never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
