Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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