I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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