I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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