I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
