...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
