i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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