my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize