Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
