i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
