like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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