there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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