i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
