I cockslap morals
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
