Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
