Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
