Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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