I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
