I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
