And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
