She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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