I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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