but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
