Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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