I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
