Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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