Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
