she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
